


Day 20: Choose Your Own

by radicallyred



Series: 30 Days of NSFW Challenge- Stony [20]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 30 Days of NSFW, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choose Your Own - Freeform, Day 20, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Panic Attacks, use of a safeword
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:31:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radicallyred/pseuds/radicallyred
Summary: mentions of panic attacks, use of a safe word and discussions of abandonment. please proceed with caution if this makes you uncomfortable. thanks!





	Day 20: Choose Your Own

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: MENTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS, ABANDONMENT ISSUES, USE OF A SAFEWORD. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE BY ANY OF THESE, PLEASE USE CAUTION OR DO NOT READ.

Tony’s wrists were cuffed above his head, eyes covered with a blindfold. His other senses were heightened due to the lack of one, and he could feel Steve’s movements before he even began to touch him. He could hear him shuffling about, jumping when he felt something wet slide on his ass. 

“Shhh,” Steve hushes his whimper as he gently pushes a plug into his hole. “Good boy.” He murmurs against Tony’s shoulder. His hole is so raw that the intrusion makes him tense. He’s so fucked out that it raises uncomfortable goosebumps; it doesn’t _hurt_ but it doesn’t feel _good,_ either. 

“Steve,” He gasps as it starts to buzz. He’s so overstimulated, is the thing, that he starts to writhe. Steve just shushes him, rubs his big hands over soft thighs and circles his cock. It twitches, and Tony shudders uncomfortably. 

“You look so pretty all tied up and waiting for me.” Steve says, drawing his fingers from his asshole up and over his belly, stopping just below his throat. He squeezes for a moment and pulls away completely, making Tony whine at the loss of contact. 

“I have some business to attend to,” Steve says nonchalantly. Tony cries out at that, anxiety rising in his chest. He knows it’s a cheap shot to think Steve’s business is because his loyalties lie elsewhere. But he can’t help it, and suddenly, he’s brought back to when Steve bashed his head in in that damn cave, leaving him for years until they were reunited. 

Tony’s belly flips at the thought, his mind sinking with the guilt of it. Steve just pats his chest and hums. 

“Don’t you worry, baby. I’ll be back before you know it.” 

And then the panic set in. 

“No. Fuck. Sh-Please, Steve, non _ono._ Don’t leave.” He begs, gasping, desperately trying to breathe. _“Shield.”_ And Steve audibly gasps, immediately ceasing the vibrations and gently tugging Tony free of everything until he was in his arms, their bare bodies against each other. Tony was shaking, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He was over stimulated and every ounce in his being was telling him to fight. 

“I’m so sorry.” Steve says softly against Tony’s hair, wiping his tears away. “God, Tony I’m so sorry. Talk to me, baby, please?” Steve whispers desperately. Tony just cries silently through his panic attack, breath uneven and pulse skyrocketing. He was calming significantly in Steve’s embrace, but the thought of him leaving still scared him to death. It took him so long to recover the last time, he’s sure he would die if it happened again.

But it was the thought of being left alone like this that made him sob harder, humiliation bubbling in his chest.

Steve just murmured apology after apology, gently kissing his cheeks and face until Tony finally calms down. He’s lopsided on the bed; his upper body splayed over Steve’s abdomen, their legs intertwined. 

“‘M sorry.” Tony mumbles against Steve’s chest. The blond just shakes his head, blue eyes sparked with worry. 

“I...are you okay?” He asks hesitantly. Tony nods shakily, not trusting his voice. He takes a few deep breaths before looking up sheepishly. 

“Just—I was overwhelmed and overstimulated and then… the leaving thing kind of fucked me up.” He admits quietly. Steve tenses and looks down at their legs. “Struck a nerve. I don’t particularly enjoy being left on display anyhow, but the situation...I mean, well, you know.” Steve nods once and frowns. He tugs Tony closer and kisses the life out of him. 

It wasn’t a hot kiss. No, this was a kiss that spoke the words unspoken. The words Steve didn’t have the vocabulary to explain aloud were spoken though this deep and loving kiss.

_I love you. I’m never leaving you ever again. I’m so sorry. Please believe me. Please forgive me._

“It’s okay.” Tony sighs nibbling at Steve’s bottom lip. “I mean… no, but. Just—kiss me and make me stop talking.” And Steve obliges. 

 

They dance around the subject for the next few days, until one night after dinner. They’re cleaning up, putting dishes away and wiping down the countertops in an uncomfortable silence. Then Steve slams his hands onto the marble countertop, Tony jolting in response. 

“Fuck! Tony, I can’t do this. You--you have to talk to me. This is driving me insane.” Tony just balks at him, a puzzled expression playing on his features. 

“What are you talking about?” He questions dumbly. “Is this about the safeword?” He asks immediately following. “Because, I told you, Steve. It was just overwhelming, I don’t like being so helpless and--” Steve raises a hand, expression stoic and Tony stops talking, lowering his gaze. 

“Are you afraid of me?” He asks, tone serious. Tony’s heart sinks with sadness. 

Of course Steve would think something like that. It made sense. Hell, Tony would probably think the same thing if the tables were turned. He realizes he hasn’t said anything yet, so he swallows and shakes his head. 

“What? No. God, no.” He says reassuringly. “I’ve always struggled with abandonment shit, baby, you know this.” Tony says as he crosses the room to caress Steve’s worried face. “I don’t want you to think that I am scared of you, you walking teddy bear.” Steve chuffs, wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend. 

“In fact,” Tony slides a velvet box from his pocket and takes a step back. He holds one of Steve’s hands in his own. 

“Steve. I am so irrevocably in love with you that it physically hurts me to think of spending a day without you. And we've been through so much together that it feels pointless to do anything apart. I want to protect you, keep you safe. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night." Tony swallows thickly, opening the box. "So, will you marry me?” He doesn’t get on a knee because _this isn’t a rom-com, Jesus, Steve._

Steve looks at the platinum ring nestled inside and then up to Tony. A smile breaks out on his face and leans in to kiss him.

“Yes.” He smiles, tears welling in his eyes. “I--fuck, yes.” He leans down to kiss Tony for a moment. Tony pulls away, smiling, and slides the ring on his finger. 

“I love you. I am never leaving you again.” Steve says as he presses their foreheads together. And, for once, Tony feels so happy with being tied down.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is 100 years late. I had some major writers block and time is not my friend. 
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated <3


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